Intelligent Caregiving

Before James Bond embarked on a globetrotting mission to save the world from S.P.E.C.T.R.E., he stopped in to see Q, British Secret Service’s chief weapon designer. In his dungeon-like testing center, Q provided Bond with an assortment of secret agent specialties – poison pens, wrist darts, watches that were no ordinary watches…

They were the tools of the trade.

Although our office has a variety of potentially lethal pens, elder law attorneys usually provide a different set of tools to caregivers. Advance directives for health such as Health Care Proxies, Living Wills, and MOLST forms are a caregiver’s danger avoidance system.

Caregivers may not have to deal with flying killer hats, but the stresses they experience daily would be amplified by a lack of protective legal documentation.

Health Care Proxies allow a trusted individual to make health care decisions if you lack the capacity to advocate for yourself. Living Wills and MOLST forms focus on end-of-life preferences and instructions. In practice, difficult conversations regarding hospice and palliative care, DNR orders and comfort measures are centered on hospital personnel and a Health Care Proxy.

In the absence of real-time decision making by a Health Care Proxy – Living Wills and MOLST forms provide an end-of-life roadmap tailored for that person that providers can follow.

There is no unified theory of caregiving. Every person tasked with caring for a parent, spouse, child, friend, or neighbor has their own set of care. One concept to keep in mind is my own version of “intelligent caregiving.” It shares similar DNA to the oxygen mask demonstration aboard an airplane. You place your mask on first, before assisting others.

If you are not OK, then your capacity for proper caregiving will not be OK. 

Intelligent caregiving applies especially to shared spaces. An ill parent staying with an adult child and their family should be an example of family togetherness and support. All too often the care burdens can damage the younger family’s harmony. Minimizing stress may result from either an effective home health care provider strategy or choosing an alternative residential option.

The desire to uphold a promise or perceived moral obligation can be a powerful force dictating a caregiver’s decision making. Remaining in one’s home or a loved one’s is a standard request for an aging senior. Honoring that request involves logistical planning along with long-term care planning.

For a caregiver, the act of arranging meals, medication, setting up transportation to medical appointments, negotiating behavioral and physical changes can be sustained for a lengthy period of time, but at a cost. This granular work that can extend to all hours of the day and night will take a toll. Your loved one does not want you to fall apart.    

We do not want you to fall apart, either. Intelligent caregiving means utilizing all of the available resources to provide a safe environment for your loved one and delegating care activities. Removing some of a caregiver’s workload will help to make that caregiver more effective.

Alan D. Feller, Esq., is managing partner of The Feller Group, located at 572 Route 6, Suite 103, Mahopac. He can be reached at alandfeller@thefellergroup.com.