Sneakers for Days

For just three people, we sure have a lot of shoes in our household.

Particularly boys’ youth size 1.5.

Now, my brain and memory aren’t as sharp as they used to be, but I certainly don’t recall having a dozen pair of shoes as a kid. I had the “school shoes” that were to be kept somewhat presentable, the “play shoes” that were beat to all heck, and maybe a pair of dress shoes (not that I ever wore them). I don’t think I even had sandals as a kid.

My 7-year-old has an endless amount of sneakers. He’s got the fake Jordans that are kind of like high-tops with a Velcro near the ankle, at least two pairs of Adidas slip-on sneakers, Crocs, a pair of flip-flops he never wears because all he does is trip in them, two pairs of rubbery slip-on sandals…

He recently learned to tie his shoes, so now he also has a pair of flat Levi’s and also some other athletic type shoe that I can’t remember the name of.

Add to that his soccer cleats and his football cleats (why they can’t just be the same is beyond me) and his Minecraft slippers.

Interestingly, he has not one pair of dress shoes.

Either way … Spoiled.

Needless to say, we are tripping over shoes all day. There’s often one hidden under a rogue throw blanket that’s been discarded on the floor. Oftentimes you can find one under the couch. Sometimes he has a few in his room – but never two of the same pair.

Sometimes he kicks them off at the top of the stairs (he learned that from me) and one stops at the landing while the other somehow rounds the corner and goes into the basement.

However, I must admit, my husband and I also apparently have some sort of shoe fetish, because I have at least two pairs of sneakers (my “good” ones and my “not good” ones) as well as a pair of flip-flops and a pair of athletic sandals. And Mike has sneakers, sandals, work shoes, and work boots that he wears when he’s doing yard work.

Now, we have a split-level house so when you open the front door, there’s a small landing that is pretty much just enough space to clear the door when it swings open and you can get inside and close it. When all three of us file in, two of us have to start climbing the stairs before the last person can get in and shut the door.

Can you imagine the instant rage and frustration that occurs when that little landing area is littered with shoes? Some get swept by the opening door and pile up behind it, so you can’t even get the door open all the way. Others remain on the floor for you to trip over and step on as you try to drag groceries into the house.

The other day I nearly bit it coming down the stairs with a basket of laundry, trying to maneuver through the minefield.

I told my husband that if anyone ever tried to break in through the front door, don’t worry – they’ll never make it past the shoes. It’s full-on “Home Alone”-style security.

Recently I was making dinner and heard the front door unlock, and open.

And then I heard my husband mumble a few curse words, and there was some thudding – which I recognized as the sound of him kicking shoes out of the way.

In an attempt to help him out, I yelled at Mikey to go down to the landing and put his shoes away, to which my husband yelled up: “It’s not his shoes, it’s yours!”

Looks like the child isn’t the only one who’s a slob.

I was quick to remind him that his sneakers are also taking up precious real estate on the landing, to which he threatened – again – to toss all the shoes on the front lawn.

So if anyone drives by a house with sneakers dangling from the trees and bushes, just keep driving. We’re fine. Everything’s fine.

Holly Crocco is editor of the Putnam County Times/Press and mother of a 7-year-old. She can be reached at editorial@putnampresstimes.com.