‘You’re Killing Me, Smalls!’

We are officially in full summer mode. Dripping in ice cream, up until double-digits, black feet from walking around barefoot, sunburned, sweaty, malnourished, exhausted and unkempt.

There’s no schedule, there’s no learning going on, and the pool absolutely counts as a bath.

Just in case you’re wondering where we’re at …

Anyway, in an attempt to get a little reprieve from the oppressive heat, I recently turned on a summertime classic, “The Sandlot.” My husband asked if it would be appropriate for the 7-year-old, to which I rolled my eyes.

I mean, it’s practically a rite of passage.

Quickly – almost immediately – I had to tell Mikey that even though the kids in the movie are older, some of them are saying and doing things they shouldn’t be, like spitting and swearing, and calling each other names.

And asking, “Is this kid an L-7 weenie?”

Also, I realized there are many different elements of the movie you pick up on watching it as an adult, such as the fact that there is zero adult supervision happening. None. It’s wake up, eat breakfast, and get out of the house.

It’s “Sayonara, kids!” and they are off on their bikes to ride into town, play baseball, and otherwise wreak havoc.

As it should be.

I even noticed the kids had lit candles in the treehouse so they could make s’mores, and the parent in me cringed at how dangerous that is.

Man, what a “Karen” I’ve turned into.

Mikey gave me the side-eye as these kids climbed fences – something he gets yelled at for doing – and telling each other to “shut up,” which is another punishable offense in our house.

When he asked why the boys were out past dark without their parents, I really drove home that these kids were “much … much older than Mikey.” I had to say it without looking him in the eye.

I didn’t have it in me to go into the fact that it was also a different world back in the 1990s, when our childhoods were filled with freedom. Let’s let kids be kids a little longer before we hit them with all the harsh realities.

Besides, he already thinks I’m old as dirt.

There were also many parts of the movie I had completely forgotten about. Such as a kid fake drowning. That required a “pause” so that I could explain to Mikey that you never do that. It’s not funny and, just like these kids, he will get kicked out of the pool – or beach, or wherever – for the rest of the summer.

Then came the infamous tricked kiss with Wendy Peffercorn, and things really got awkward since we’re still very much in the “girls have cooties” stage of life.

The scene where the kids all eat dip and puke their brains out was actually easy to explain, as I just told Mikey that the kids ate a bunch of junk before getting on the ride. I left out the part about it being tobacco.

I believe it was after Benny Rodriguez said, “Anybody who wants to be a can’t-hack-it pantywaist who wears their mama’s bra, raise your hand,” that Mikey got antsy and we turned off the movie to do something else.

Or maybe it was after Ham Porter told one of his buds, “You mix your Wheaties with our mama’s toe jam!”

Either way, I had forgotten how many “your mom” jokes are in the movie – not that it will deter us from finishing it one of these days.

But if anyone could give me a heads-up about any other inappropriate scenes coming my way, that would be great.

In the meantime, we’ll be out stepping barefoot on pricker bushes and cutting our lips on freeze pops.

Holly Crocco is editor of the Putnam County Times/Press and mom of a 7-year-old boy. She can be reached at editorial@putnampresstimes.com.