That’s so Sus

We have reached the age where everything I do embarrasses Mikey.

One of the first offenses I committed was back in August when we went to WWE Summer Slam in Philadelphia. There we were in a packed arena with a bunch of grown men wearing Bron Breakker T-shirts and A.J. Styles hats, yelling out “John Cena sucks” (my husband was one of them), and when Jey Uso appeared from a side entrance and the whole place went dark except for a little halo over him, the entire arena yelled out his signature “Yeet” and did the hand movements along with him.

And I had the audacity to join in the fun.

“Mo-om!” the 7-year-old yelled over the crowd, effectively turning my three-letter title into a two-syllable word. The eye-roll acted as punctuation.

For the record, it was completely acceptable for his father to “Yeet.”

This past year I also learned that some things that happen among the family are intended to stay within the family.

Example: For the last 10 months, Mikey and I have been singing KPop Demon Hunter songs in the car at the top of our lungs. All of them. Every single lyric – we know them all. However, over the holiday break I drove Mikey and a friend to an arcade for a playdate and when “Golden” came over the radio and I turned it up and started to sing.

Apparently that was very uncool of me… Like, totally.

I watched the red flush of shame creep up his neck as he again grumbled a “mo-om!” from the back seat, unable to even look at his little friend.

Then, on one of the days off in February, I went to drop him off at a sports program at a nearby recreation center. The offspring stopped me at the entrance to the gymnasium with a hand on my stomach and said, “OK, you can go now.” He didn’t even want me to go in!

Also recently, I’ve found out that using lingo all the kids are using is a sure-fire way to get myself banned from being seen in public with the child. One day I picked him up from basketball practice and he said, “Oh, man, my legs are totally cooked!”

I thought it was hysterical! So, a few days later after shoveling out from mountains of snow, I came in and said, “Man, my muscles are cooked!”

With the scoff this kid gave me, you would have thought I hung our underwear out on the front porch.

But I think the parents are finally learning to use this knowledge to their advantage.

My husband and I were talking with some other parents at a sports practice and it was brought up that the kids are suddenly dropping the “six-seven” trend. Another parent who had a kid a few grades older than ours informed us it’s because the parents started saying it, and even dressed up as the number for Halloween – and that made it instantly lame.

Brilliant!

I’ve decided to apply this logic to some other trends that irritate me to see if I can get Mikey to shift gears a bit …

So if you see me walking around in compression pants under athletic shorts in the 17-degree weather, or saying things like “That’s so sus,” just know it’s all part of my master plan.

Holly Crocco is editor of the Putnam County Times/Press and mother of a 7-year-old boy. She can be reached at editorial@putnampresstimes.com.