The Kids Are All Grown Up

I was holding tiny pink glittery sneakers in my hands along with a purple sippy cup. In front of me was a bounce house – the noise from its air pump hitting my eardrums like Mike Tyson working the speedbag.

This was not my first bounce house… Not even my 10^th. My daughter was climbing the angled ladder so she could slide back down and continue jumping. Seeing her laugh and revel in her favorite inflatable housing was a salve for my soul.

Those early childhood days seemed to last forever. Then, one early evening, you glance over at the figure opening the refrigerator. You think to yourself: how many adults live here? No more tiny shoes, my daughter is rummaging through the shelves to secure a seltzer for dinner.

Just like that, the nest is about to empty out.

New parents make tidy, simple wills. Guardians are listed for minor children for the purposes of ensuring care, should both parents suffer a tragedy. Trustees for minor children are also listed to handle any money or other assets earmarked for them.

To be clear, your child’s 18^th birthday does not give you license to tear up your estate planning documents. In fact, many minor provisions or special trusts continue until the child is 21, 25, or even older.

There is an expectation that college costs and young adulthood require greater managerial and financial support in the short-term. At the same time, parents have to determine the level of responsibility they feel comfortable enough to bestow on their adult child. These are dueling expectations that signify a major mindset change in empty nest parents. 

Some parents do not hesitate to include their newly-adult children in their planning. We see updates to Powers of Attorneys, Health Care Proxies, Revocable Trusts, and Wills that reflect their child’s change of status and an earned confidence. This can be very useful, especially if there is only a sole agent, executor, health care proxy, or trustee currently in place.

The adult child assumes the role as alternate fiduciary and alternate proxy and receives an education in finance and planning that will benefit them.

Other parents do not see the type of maturity required to take on estate planning responsibilities. Their focus is having their newly-adult child make their own Power of Attorney and Health Care Proxy so that their age or majority status does not prevent a parent from protecting their child, should an emergency take place.

The biggest change for empty nest parents is the sudden lack of responsibility thrust upon them. You do not have to drive your children around. You do not have to plan their activities. You can sleep late. That 6 a.m. swim meet in eastern Connecticut is no longer on the calendar.

Binding your residential preferences to a school district comes to an end. You may keep your family home for practical purposes and find another home to spend some of this newly-discovered free time. Both properties can be placed in a trust to avoid probate. 

The empty nest is a metaphor that starts endless conversations concerning converting childhood bedrooms into yoga studios. It is a bittersweet marker of time passing and loved ones reaching their potential.

Your bounce house beneficiaries have grown up. For the estate planning professionals at The Feller Group, P.C., it is a time to recalibrate a family’s overall plan and open new horizons for the parents.

Alan D. Feller, Esq., is managing partner of The Feller Group, located at 572 Route 6, Suite 103, Mahopac. He can be reached at alandfeller@thefellergroup.com.